Christians and Dating

Today, I am going to violate one of the personal rules I set for myself in blogging, 'there more like guidelines' anyways. My rule was going to be that I'm not going to link to other posts just to say "hey I like this." Here are several reasons I don't want to do that regularly:

(1) You can find enough good blogs that can keep you up on what is going around and what you should read, my blog isn't for that purpose and I don't want it to be for that purpose. I like blogs that post links to other blogs or articles just to say "check this out" but that isn't what I want my blog to become. Besides these other blogs have one thing I don't have: consistent readership [err...readership period]. I don't need to post stuff just to increase the number of posts I've made.

(2) If I link to other posts I want to interact with the post or article, like I did with the Calvin and Hobbes post. I want substance not just a channel to other good links. {and just as a note, the post on Atheism was posted because I didn't find it on any blogs but someone sent it too me, that's a different situation.}

(3) You can almost track who reads what blogs like a sort of source criticism based upon who they link to and the date they post the links. One link follows another, follows another. I don't need to be one more link in the chain.

(4) The blogs that post good stuff already get tons of readership, they don't need me in their cheering section. I often do cheer to myself just not on my blog. Blog readers should 'read responsibly' I don't need to be a mom who nags the kids before they go out: "Drive carefully." You don't need me to tell you what is good out there. Res ipsa loquitur.

Several reasons I'm going to break this rule of mine... err guideline:

(1) On Wednesday, I invited the teens from my church to stop by my blog. I think teens and parents of teens should read the article that I will link to below.

(2) What is said in this post I'll link to says the same idea I often tell single Christian teens about dating non-Christians although it says it way better and it asks provacative questions. Parents and teens should read, think about and apply the insight from this post.

(3) I really like Team Pyro. They are in my blog role and I usually like what I read over there. They get right to the point and don't mince words. They also regular demonstrate the ability to turn a phrase or deliver a quip, which also makes this article worth citing.

(4) This is almost too good not to link too. This is the exception that proves the rule {i.e. puts it to the test}.

(5) I haven't had a chance to post much in the way of substance lately. I don't have a readership, but not posting for a week certainly doesn't help.

Ok, so I'm going to violate my rule... err guideline. Ok so here is goes: You really MUST read this post or give it to someone who is single to read. It is called Dating: When Words and Choices Clash by Dan Phillips.

The joke at the beginning illustrates perfectly the point he is trying to make. I have long told Christian youth I've worked with: "You should not date a non-Christian because the purpose of dating is to find someone you'll marry and Christians are commanded not to marry unbelievers." But again, Dan Phillips says it way better with more humor interspersed.

How often to teens start dating non-Christians and then before you know it "we're in love" and "God wouldn't want to destroy love" or "God would want us to be happy" and suddenly in a swirl of rationalizations God someone is made to approve in two being unequally yoked. The time to nip it in bud is before it starts not after it has blossomed. Love is powerful, we should not mess around with it. God does not endorse "evangelistic" dating. Although, I do know some couples who started dating and out of it someone got saved, this is the exception not the rule. Dating a non Christian is not fulfilling the great commission. The motives are by-and-large selfish. The wise person avoids paths that can lead to sin.

Proverbs 4:14-15 14 Do not enter the path of the wicked And do not proceed in the way of evil men. 15 Avoid it, do not pass by it; Turn away from it and pass on.

Speaking adultery and the adulterous woman which often personifies folly in Proverbs:

Proverbs 5:6-8 6 She does not ponder the path of life; Her ways are unstable, she does not know it. 7 Now then, my sons, listen to me And do not depart from the words of my mouth. 8 Keep your way far from her And do not go near the door of her house,

I think the Christian dating the non-Christian is the path of folly. But we play with it and assume "We will not fall prey...I'm not going to marry the person." You have not pondered life. As Dan says in closing, "Kid, life's not a game. For every reason in this world and the next, wise up."

I once heard a pastor say about the age his daughter would start dating (which was a little too old in my opinion but now that I have girls...) "You don't let the horse out of the gate unless it is going to race." In the same way, you don't play with matches unless you intend to light a fire.

The same applies to dating non-Christians: if you are going to get serious one day and marry someone, you don't mess around with "practice runs" and think "we'll will break up before we get married." You don't light matches to "see what happens" and then get all surprised when a roaring fire of love develops [a love, I might add that cherishes the boyfriend/girlfriend more than Christ]. Dan illustrates this superbly with his illustration of test driving cars. Parents should not let their teens enter into platonic dating relationships with non-Christians with the idea that "Johnny/Joanne won't ever marry that person, my child is a good Christian and they know what is right." They may be the best Christian in the world (humanly speaking) but look what happened to Solomon around those devilish women. He turned into a pagan. We think our kids are immune because we "raised them right" but we let them flirt with danger. It's like playing with a power saw that is on but saying "they won't get hurt because they read the manual." Doesn't work that way.

Here is what Dan says:

See, if you are in a dating relationship with someone who doesn't love Christ, you've already said the Christ-issue isn't the issue to you. Her looks, his job, the way she treats you, his sense of humor — whatever; these things matter more to you than Christ does.You want this person to believe that he is a sinner, under God's wrath, and deserving His judgment. You want him to know that his righteous deeds are as filthy rags, that everything he can produce is not enough for God. But you've already communicated, by your choice, that what he has is enough for you. That you and he share enough values, goals, aspirations, and affections to create (or even consider) an exclusive and intimate relationship....

Would you consider marrying someone who never, ever washed his body? Yuck! No way, right? What if (s)he never, ever had his heart and conscience washed (Hebrews 9:14; 10:22)? Evidently yes? Hmm.Would you consider marrying someone who never listened to a word you said? No way. What if (s)he never listened to a word God said (Proverbs 28:4, 9; Romans 10:17)? Evidently yes?

The whole article is a must read!

If you are a Christian and you are dating a non-Christian, break up now. Don't wait "until the time is right." If you say "I don't want to hurt so-and-so" Two things: then you shouldn't have started dating in the first place because you knew it couldn't lead to marriage (at least if you intended to obey God). Second, would you rather hurt the person or Christ? And don't presume you can disobey God and ask for abounding grace later (Romans 6:1-2).

With that all said, I do know some Christians who married a non-Christian. They have regrets but they are also fully committed to obeying God's commands of staying with it if the spouse agrees[1 Cor. 7:12]. But for the singles: don't let it get to that point.

Dan's quip to those who would pull out examples of "I know so-and-so who dated a non-Christain and it worked out for them " is just priceless:

First, so if someone sins or does something stupid, and it works out all right, you should do the same? Dude. Seriously. Grow up.

Second, as long as we're trading stories, I've heard stories about people who've pointed guns straight at other people and pulled the trigger, and the gun jammed. Neat, huh? So if God wants someone to live, he can jam a gun, right?And if you loaded a pistol and went out to see who God wants to live, and who He wants to die... would that be a good thing? Or stupid, bad, reckless, insane, and sinful?

I'm going to have to use the loaded gun illustration next time somebody says, "I know of so-and-so..."

God has designed love and marriage. It works best and brings the most glory to Him when we play by His rules. If we cherish His rules, then all our steps that lead up to marriage should be done with the intent of obeying Him. We don't start off on one path with the thought "we'll I'll swing around and obey God when things 'get serious.'" You don't walk on the path that could lead to disobeying God while decieving yourself with "well when I have to make the actual choice, I'll do what's right"--you already have been making real life choices and you are choosing to disregard the path of wisdom.

If you are a parent, read this article. If you are a teen read this article. If you are single, heed this article. If you are married, give this article to someone you know and love. Whoever you are, meditation on these thoughts and the Scriptures referenced are well worth it.

Well, I guess I didn't break my guideline because I added my two cents. "Take up and read."